Poetry, Random Ramblings and Rants

I hate the shadows that creep in sideways on a beautiful day

Missing lost loved ones

Caring sometimes comes with a price to pay

and all my cards are maxed out today

Not exactly sure why I’m not gone

But the tedious circus rolls on and on

Shoot me out a canon

come what may

I’d love to be the colonizer of Aballon

Explorer of reactions never acted on

Or perhaps destroyer of Babylon

Upon another brightly shadowed day

Does the hypocrisy of having to use the term “pew pew” on social media platforms while children are getting shot at school every week (Only here, in the good ol’ USA?) disturb anyone else?  Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the 2nd amendment. I even believe that I have the right to own an assault weapon (y’know in case we’re ever faced with a tyrannical government) Well, isn’t that ironic… Tell you what tho, no one’s been called to my house or on me for any kind of violence. Not this week, not last week, not ever. And I grew up in pennsyltucky where there are definitely more “pew pews” than people. Never had a school shooting, not once. And mental health wasn’t a high priority back then, and trust me, it should have been. So what gives? Canada has guns and metal illness but never a school shooting. You don’t say… Did you know that you can be on the no fly list and still legally own firearms in the US? What kind of rocket scientist shit is that? In a truly just world, I’d be offering thoughts and prayers to half the politicians in the country. I don’t know how you don’t perform self assassination on yourself , let alone sleep at night. Every life is precious, huh? No one can tell you what you can put in your body, but any sociopath can insert lead into children?  Why is it that “rights” extend to only those that think (and often look like) you? Your rights don’t end where my outrage begins? How’s about where your humanity would begin? In case you don’t know, you’d find it alongside your empathy, if you possessed such. One more libtard conspiracy to think about… Who “unalived” Lincoln? JFK? Did you pass that little quiz? Who took a shot at Trump? Yeah, I don’t know either. Have a blessed day and hope for no need for thoughts and prayers, I guess

Author’s note: also ironic I wrote this the day before Charlie Kirk was shot…

PS Thoughts and prayers

Sometimes I feel the actuality

That I truly am

the primordial light

In predestined waves

Pushing out, into, and thru

This cardboard stockade world…

That omnipresent sense that something’s just not quite right

makes discernment dance afire

It’s always been there

Like I’ve never been anywhere

We’ve forever known

This place is a mockery of Home

Hurtin’ fer certain

Unraveled

Unbedazzled

Alone

With my grief and fear

Believe the elevator is broken

Can’t begin to see up from here

It’s dark

Where my heart parks

Fallen angels may be near

But even the brimstone sparks

Fail to appear

No joy in Benville today

Sweet sunshine reminds me

of shadows of those now gone

Some are still alive in some way

But don’t seem to have much to say

So I await the blankness of midnight hours

And believe that I’m acquiring a taste for blood

Clock ticks birthing melanic powers

As ambient roses begin to bud

I board my clipper ship excited by the coming flood

Going dark

to avoid downward spiral

On transmogrifying spiral staircase

Not always easy

Morning has usually dispelled the charging shadows

by the time I get up

So I have to look inwardly

for another time another place

for me

I can hide inside the sunshine

but also still see myself

Metaphoric hollow statue

Reflective of tragedy

and harmony

Points in the continuum

That count against themselves

Doomscrolling the day away

adulting not to be done today

I remember back in the the ’80s

& how the cold war didn’t bother me

Was much more interested in

the circus that was my life

& investigating the current sin

Way back then I thought

I’d be gone by now

Somehow…

couldn’t foresee waking upon

a dysfunctional new reality

shit show carnival

Everyday

God, I’m too old for Armageddon

my willingness to survive

ain’t quite what she used to be

Everywhere

I’m looking, don’t like what I see

All I want

is the freedom to be Free

The “lines on my face and hands” Alice sang about on “18” 

have made their way into my reality

Spent so much time to get so little done

Blinded by too much visionary to see

I’d say there must be a reason I’m here but life has never made much sense; even tho I’ve paid my penitence Buddha’s first noble truth

latched on early in my youth

Story of my experience

crumbles into a pile of surrendered grandiose unrelatative-ness

Ah, alone drifting through space and calling it hell

Plunging thru nightmares 

dreaming of wishing myself well

Awash in darkness and apathy

Sun shine outside

Doesn’t tempt me from my crypt

The desire to hold things no longer here

embraces like a smallpox blanket

and what happens when the right thing to do

doesn’t seem to matter anymore

and doing what I want to do loiters on the edge of effort I don’t want to expend

Pushing thru another day from my fucking couch unwilling to reach out for understanding ears

Don’t preach to me about loftiness and light I can see them from here

but I believe they are frightened by

what used to be my fears

Doomscrolling the day away

adulting not to be done today

I remember back in the the ’80s

& how the cold war didn’t bother me

Was much more interested in

the circus that was my life

& investigating the current sin

Way back then I thought

I’d be gone by now

couldn’t foresee waking upon

a dysfunctional new reality

shit show nitemare somehow…

Everyday

God, I’m too old for Armageddon

my willingness to survive

ain’t quite what she used to be

Everywhere

I’m looking, don’t like what I see

All I want

is the freedom to be Free