Poetry, Random Ramblings and Rants

it feels like there’s someone else here

i count, 1, 2….

maybe in the basement

maybe in my head

my life is full of endemic strangeness

and dread

not complaining

trying to find explanation

through expression

peace of mind isn’t prevalent

in the midst of regression

the veil of obstruct silence

suffocates like a shroud

separate emotions

quietly screaming so loud

You sabotage your own creation

With a smile and a kick

a frown and a kiss

you were never fond

of any of this

and how do you respond?

Bitch and complain

about what life has done to you

Maybe you should light a candle

to the patron saint

of Eeyore-ness

and see what you can see

and way too often

these ministrations

encapsulate me

into subdued purgatory

until cocoon bursts flamingly

into something resembling poetry

Slam hammering

Having heart torn to pieces

In front, inside

Anger boils up

through the tears

not alone

more than lonely

Out back, still inside

Questioning the omnipresence

of the presumed

spiritual guide

legislating

this reckless ride

and 

Who’s navigating

and

to what metaphysical end

Karmic repentance

to pay for the privilege

of sacrilege

Lacking horns

as well as crown of thorns

Ready or not for it

Pyre soon to be lit

Slam hammering

left to pick up all the pieces

Everything will be ok

tell myself then I pray

hoping the multiverse

can find it’s wayward way

to seeing things that way

… today

Heros on welfare

it’s hard to hold a job

or anything

when you don’t know

what day it is

Im stranger than many a stranger

I was cultivated Outside The Great Outside

like a very feral kitten

And I’m still trying to figure this shit out

It’s hard to feel special

after being once bitten

reality has a smile, but that smile

has fangs

I’ve got hair

and wax

in my ears

A life full of imminent fears

Why aren’t we old

when we’re young

young enough to keep up with it?

Ah, the bills and the pills

the reoccurring aches

and  random pains

all that wonderful shit…

I was never good at looking ahead

so now I’m learning

to enjoy what I have

and giving less time to dread

I feel so peaceful

in this moment

drifting upon an almost magical

billowing stream

brought back  too soon

from this waking dream

by one of those random pains

and unwelcome

welcome doggie kisses

Gently  awash in spending time with you

and all that other stuff

we need to do

Damp weather

my bones and emotions hurt

seeing children

on their way

home from school

Drags mismatched

unharmonious threads

from the centuries

and living deaths since then

Some sparkling memories

shine thru

Kaleidoscope

Shattered shadows

bouncing off

echoing walls

joined by

a jaded smile

So I crawl into

my slowly fading wife’s

hospital bed

and when she knows I’m there

she sweetly delicately holds onto me

I close my eyes

and see a tunnel

with no light at the end

my silent salty secret tears

pool into

a bittersweet picture

of things

both past and yet to be

that are

never meant to last

Dressed in an old newish shape of blazing faded shroud

I’m alone

but not by myself

in the brutal

fade to black

tortured light

tethered to the ungiving

stone

with the delusion of unending

unyielding day

Don’t mind me

Maybe im a keeper

I can be a sleeper

but

there’s a side or two

that goes much deeper

For sure not aluminum

not easily moldable

or foldable

and indeed it’s a fact

been known to put on an act

cuz I don’t always like who I am

must be the green eggs and ham

or the purple eggs and spam.

probably help to stop looking back

and staring at what I lack

Was visited by the spectre

of my childhood

it was made out of wood

Just like Pinocchio

it’s sad

the distance the both of us

have to go

trying to unlearn

things that no one should

have to know

Hi there! Been a while, so let me tell you about the date above. 11-12-ish the night before, I go to bed. I always have trouble sleeping on Sunday night. Anyway, this leads to about 4 hours of sleep before I get up for work. Wake up feeling not so very well. Do my best morning routine, Epsom salt bath combined with prayer and a somewhere short meditation with crystal (s). The morning subject of this ramble, it is Amethyst while wearing a Auralite 23 bracelet, for those who might be interested. This seems to result in a feeling that I sometimes get, that is being stuck between this experience one could call everyday reality or dimention, and an unknown upper or lower one. That is, I don’t feel quite at home. My brain is working it’s usual overdrive, while physically I am on autopilot. This, later in the morning results in a fall, landing mostly on my “new” knee. It also shifts my conscience to a more aware, albeit painful state. Before, I didn’t get much sensation with movement, but felt like I was in a cotton see through bubble. Now, walking isn’t painful, getting in and out of the car and traveling steps in either direction, well… I contact my boss and surgeon just to be safe, trying to be a grown up human being.

But my spiritual connection is pushed up a level or two. I love it when that happens. So much better than the semi-usual Buddha’s first noble truth and wrestling against that all day and night confrontation.

Parts of my spiritual thingy is associated with music and I, as a result, experience being comfortable where and when I find myself. Funny, an owner of an establishment I visit recently gave me a short lecture on how the volume of my tunes gives him issues. Mainly, that he, and some of his staff can’t work (for the 2-3 minutes I’m there) because of the noise. I politely listen with a rotating “F U” & “That seems more like an issue to be brought up with whomever built your walls” spinning in my head… It’s always something, right?

Backing up to where I left off, participation in the state I’ve found myself in leaves me unconcerned with problematic entities involved in daily life and a better relationship with my brother/sister shareholders of our planet.

If you can, you might want to suspend your beliefs for this next experience. I’m walking into a place that has automatic sliding glass doors, checking out the butt of a young lady walking away from me in her reflection. (I know, but I am only human) Then as the door moves, her image is replaced spatially exactly with another young lady walking away from me inside. Things like this that you have to be in exactly the right place at the right time don’t strike me as coincidence, but (pun unintentional) proof that, like it or not, I’m right where I’m s’posed to be.

The day goes on, I show people who’ve kept asking for pictures of the puppy, some that are on my phone. Leg hurts more and more & eventually acceptance with my fellow, assumed human drivers slams into the idiocy wall. It irritates me that it irritates me. I even went as far as to put down the window and scream “What the fuck is wrong with you!?!” at some female co occupant of the road, not once but twice. In my defense, she had, in very heavy traffic, cut me off three times, close enough to set off my car’s obstacle light. She had kids in the car, double or tripling the moronic level. That just flipped the switch. The rest of the day is pretty much “normal” except that I finished late. Then comes along the nessitated hour+ long drive back. It confronted reality that the knee started feeling better on the way. I unloaded, then went home, knee cooperating the whole time. Guess I have to credit prayers/divine intervention, crystals and arnica/eucalyptus/emu oil for that minor miracle.

Darkness falls

w/out any reason

I’ve felt too much sadness

in the sunlight of this season

Come across

too much loss

while carrying

an ownerless cross

is it too much?

Overdue karmic payment?

or just some such?

Into each life some rain must fall

I don’t remember

Requesting this waterfall

There’s something to be said

for keeping your head down

and trudging along

but the Piper gets old

and so does his song