Poetry, Random Ramblings and Rants

Damp weather

my bones and emotions hurt

seeing children

on their way

home from school

Drags mismatched

unharmonious threads

from the centuries

and living deaths since then

Some sparkling memories

shine thru

Kaleidoscope

Shattered shadows

bouncing off

echoing walls

joined by

a jaded smile

So I crawl into

my slowly fading wife’s

hospital bed

and when she knows I’m there

she sweetly delicately holds onto me

I close my eyes

and see a tunnel

with no light at the end

my silent salty secret tears

pool into

a bittersweet picture

of things

both past and yet to be

that are

never meant to last

Dressed in an old newish shape of blazing faded shroud

I’m alone

but not by myself

in the brutal

fade to black

tortured light

tethered to the ungiving

stone

with the delusion of unending

unyielding day

Don’t mind me

Maybe im a keeper

I can be a sleeper

but

there’s a side or two

that goes much deeper

For sure not aluminum

not easily moldable

or foldable

and indeed it’s a fact

been known to put on an act

cuz I don’t always like who I am

must be the green eggs and ham

or the purple eggs and spam.

probably help to stop looking back

and staring at what I lack

Was visited by the spectre

of my childhood

it was made out of wood

Just like Pinocchio

it’s sad

the distance the both of us

have to go

trying to unlearn

things that no one should

have to know

Hi there! Been a while, so let me tell you about the date above. 11-12-ish the night before, I go to bed. I always have trouble sleeping on Sunday night. Anyway, this leads to about 4 hours of sleep before I get up for work. Wake up feeling not so very well. Do my best morning routine, Epsom salt bath combined with prayer and a somewhere short meditation with crystal (s). The morning subject of this ramble, it is Amethyst while wearing a Auralite 23 bracelet, for those who might be interested. This seems to result in a feeling that I sometimes get, that is being stuck between this experience one could call everyday reality or dimention, and an unknown upper or lower one. That is, I don’t feel quite at home. My brain is working it’s usual overdrive, while physically I am on autopilot. This, later in the morning results in a fall, landing mostly on my “new” knee. It also shifts my conscience to a more aware, albeit painful state. Before, I didn’t get much sensation with movement, but felt like I was in a cotton see through bubble. Now, walking isn’t painful, getting in and out of the car and traveling steps in either direction, well… I contact my boss and surgeon just to be safe, trying to be a grown up human being.

But my spiritual connection is pushed up a level or two. I love it when that happens. So much better than the semi-usual Buddha’s first noble truth and wrestling against that all day and night confrontation.

Parts of my spiritual thingy is associated with music and I, as a result, experience being comfortable where and when I find myself. Funny, an owner of an establishment I visit recently gave me a short lecture on how the volume of my tunes gives him issues. Mainly, that he, and some of his staff can’t work (for the 2-3 minutes I’m there) because of the noise. I politely listen with a rotating “F U” & “That seems more like an issue to be brought up with whomever built your walls” spinning in my head… It’s always something, right?

Backing up to where I left off, participation in the state I’ve found myself in leaves me unconcerned with problematic entities involved in daily life and a better relationship with my brother/sister shareholders of our planet.

If you can, you might want to suspend your beliefs for this next experience. I’m walking into a place that has automatic sliding glass doors, checking out the butt of a young lady walking away from me in her reflection. (I know, but I am only human) Then as the door moves, her image is replaced spatially exactly with another young lady walking away from me inside. Things like this that you have to be in exactly the right place at the right time don’t strike me as coincidence, but (pun unintentional) proof that, like it or not, I’m right where I’m s’posed to be.

The day goes on, I show people who’ve kept asking for pictures of the puppy, some that are on my phone. Leg hurts more and more & eventually acceptance with my fellow, assumed human drivers slams into the idiocy wall. It irritates me that it irritates me. I even went as far as to put down the window and scream “What the fuck is wrong with you!?!” at some female co occupant of the road, not once but twice. In my defense, she had, in very heavy traffic, cut me off three times, close enough to set off my car’s obstacle light. She had kids in the car, double or tripling the moronic level. That just flipped the switch. The rest of the day is pretty much “normal” except that I finished late. Then comes along the nessitated hour+ long drive back. It confronted reality that the knee started feeling better on the way. I unloaded, then went home, knee cooperating the whole time. Guess I have to credit prayers/divine intervention, crystals and arnica/eucalyptus/emu oil for that minor miracle.

Darkness falls

w/out any reason

I’ve felt too much sadness

in the sunlight of this season

Come across

too much loss

while carrying

an ownerless cross

is it too much?

Overdue karmic payment?

or just some such?

Into each life some rain must fall

I don’t remember

Requesting this waterfall

There’s something to be said

for keeping your head down

and trudging along

but the Piper gets old

and so does his song

I’ve never been a big fish in a small pond

Never had much money

or guidance from the great beyond

never schooled like fish

I got my PHD in LSD

so I have been larger than life

a time or two in many a tiny pond

not up for any medals

or commendation

No blue ribbon, just red flags

and I carry my rage

and bad decisions

In tattered paper bags

Man of the year?

been saving up for man of the decade

for decades now

my connection to the human race

is sketchy at best

on the edge is where I’ve found my place

so I put on my word proof vest

to venture in from my inner outer space

Struggling with the spiderwebs in my mind

Trying to cope with them as assigned

Spiders approaching as so inclined

As another credit card is declined

This state of mind

That comes to stay

Then goes away

Only to

Return with vengeance

On another overloaded day

Then

Perhaps back to wence it came

But I can’t find

Any pattern or

convenient god to blame

I have found hope w/out Dope

Tho the ups and downs

feel very much the same

And life presents a monster

Too wild to tame

All my inherent sadness

has come home to roost

w/ more than a dash of madness

& resentments freshly juiced

Turn by turn I’m further gone

Spinning wheels in

Burning mud from hell

Dusk to dawn

& on & on & on

Poison water, poison air

poison thought and poison lives

Seems we’ve forgotten

that we’re members of a common hive

Some preach about God

then make the reach

that they’re the chosen ones

living privileged lives

Unwinding logic with arrogance

skipping out on penitence

while pissing in the wishing well

claiming the rest of us

have a one way ticket to hell

on a speeding burning bus

as they put ‘”Love thy brother as thy self”

and “Judge not lest ye be judged”

somewhere on a darkened shelf

meanwhile I’m sitting in the sun

on a near perfect autumn day

proposing that the “Right Way”

Is what’s best for ALL of us

know very well I ain’t

no saint

or claiming some “new” land

like the “esteemed” Columbus

or a pilgrim laying out a feast

on some altruistic table

inviting friends at least

instead I can’t help feeling

humanity was a good idea

right up to Cain and Abel

It’s almost 2 AM

I’m not sleeping

I’m crying

And dying a little in my weeping

Too much tragedy

Too much loss

Too much pain

For a man already

At the bottom of his game

I want to be invisible

Don’t want to be seen

Still I’d be divisible

‘cuz nothing is in between

& nothing is what I’ll become to you

LOOK MA! I’M NOTHING

TORN IN TWO!

I’m the right man for the job you say

It’s brutal but beautiful pay

& Honey isn’t coming home

and never will

the one I love is disappearing still

To see her try to speak

w/ no affect

& no words forthcoming

just a heartbreaking blank stare

We both know she’s going

but no one can say where